hope
december - what many people term the month of hope - is the time of the year with the greatest number of suicide cases. interesting fact, isn't it? it's that time of the year we all wait in eager anticipation for. you know, that time? surely you do know, the time for all the gifts and presents? yeah it's that time.
i wish my life (and my thoughts) could be that simple. do you think i'm smart? i don't think so. i'm not a straight A student (cos i don't want to be). i don't even have an o level cert to show anyone! i don't even know why i'm cursed with such insight and views on things in life. it's not even an interest anymore; i don't want to know more about the accursed human condition.
okay, pardon the bout of teenage angst.
back to the topic of hope. why do we hope? why do we dare to dream; to envisage plans for a future unseen and shrouded by the mists of time? what causes us to possess that belief that makes us hold firm to a certain perspective or view?
why do i want to even believe that something will come to pass? why is there that room for hope, when everything could be an absolute? it's just a grey area - sitting on the fence - not knowing which outcome fate chooses as she opens that door of time and everything follows through. why do i want to wish against what i feel is inevitable, like sailing back against the current upstream. it's draining, very draining.
which is worse: having a predetermined choice, or having none at all? i can't seem to decide between the two. yes, it has to be ambiguous because it's a public blog.
and we'll leave questions unanswered. don't expect to see this blog next year. spoke to mad about different things on the cab ride back from michleong's place. we chanced upon the topic of blogs and younger youths who read them. i've yet to determine where i stand with regards to that issue. and i had better make my mind up soon.
11:38 PM
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